Saturday, May 12, 2007

Spiderman is....Good Charlotte!

So now we know. Spiderman is actually the secret member of Good Charlotte. He just only reveals it when he’s mean and bad. OOoohhh…right.

OK. Before I go any further slamming this movie, we must be the bigger person to understand and accept that it is after all – a comic movie. C’mon, how far can you go with a comic strip??!! Apparently quite far as shown in Sin City. So how come Spidey wasn’t given a fair chance by Sam Raimi this time? Not enough budgets?

Vainy Spidey: "Me Macho Macho Man!"

Spiderman Three can be described in three words: CORNY, LAME-O, OVER-EXXAGERATED-LETS-ALL-LOVE-AMERICA. Seriously. I laughed till I teared when the star spangled banner was “coincidentally and conveniently” flying in the background, inches next to Spidey, when he was webbing his way to save his lovely red head. It was SO corny I just had to laugh.

Honestly, the best character must’ve been Venom. He was honest to god (or something similar) the scariest (relativity, dear), the most evil (in good old school style where they have no remorse whatsoever), and with the best looking outfit. Besides that, the rest of the characters were rather pathetic or somehow uncommitted to perform their roles.

Venom's dentist never survived after saying "Say Ahh....AAHHhhh!!!!"

It all went down hill when James Franco, playing Goblin Junior (Aww…such a cutie namie), stepped out from the gas chamber. If you listened closely, behind the evil music cue, you can nearly hear Sam shouting “Look evil, James! Show me the evil! Show me the evil!” And show the evil James did. Although unfortunately, James interpretation of evil was – raise one eyebrow, slight sneer on the left corner of lips, look menacing. It all sounds evil, yeah, but anyone can do that. Even that annoying four year old kid next door can do it. Ask him; he might even do a better job than James here, because atleast the kid’s is truly evil. James…well, he was obviously trying.

Evil Goblin Junior with most menacing stare. OOoohh...scary.

James showing off his unique skills of raising one, only one, eyebrow.

And then Goblin Junior had to be so embarrassing in his debut. Despite a rather fast paced action sequence with Spidey, Goblin Jr.’s scene was short killed. Somehow he survived all the super hard knocks from Spidey and his own ultra sharp blade nicks like any other superheroes or superbaddies, but Goblin Jr. had to passed out like a 12 year old girl who knock her head on her pillow when he fell of his board.

James attempt to look ultra friendly, boy next door in the next majority part of the film was pathetic too. So I’ll just skip that.

At some point in the first part of the movie, I was nearly tricked into believing that I’m actually in the wrong cinema watching a slap stick comedy. Look, we all know Peter Parker is nerdy and all, but we don’t need to use classical boring examples of outright stupidity to exemplify that. It’s like Sam was trying to put too many ingredients into one movie. Not good. It’s funny to see him doing nerdy dance moves on the streets of NY, but honestly, that was unnecessary. If someone is mean, they’re mean ok. I mean, go beat up some dog or something. Kill a spider, yeah.

One bad spidey that had a photoshop makeover.

The makeup artist should get slap or fired. Look, Tobey Maguire has a unique face that doesn’t look evil just by applying eyeliner and not washing hair for 3 weeks. He just ends up looking like a chubby Good Charlotter.

Otherwise, the best line in the movie was the last one by Spidey himself: “Whatever battles rages inside us, we always have a choice… it’s the choices that make us who we are*, and we can always choose to do right.” It’s just too bad that this movie came out four years too late. If not, the world might have, just might have, been a better place.

* Prof. Dumbledore going to cast a spell on Spidey for plagiarism?

All in all, it was disappointing if you expected something like Spiderman One and Two. Mary Jane Watson and May Parker were the only ones who remain consistent. One, because Kirsten Dunst always act the same and look the same. Secondly, Rosemary Harris…she hardly have any screen time, so it’s hard to be different.

I forgot to metion that Mary Jane's attire throughout the film was awesome! Especially love that green dress and that blouse-skirt set!

But if you’re just another die hard movie fan like me, then it's definitely a must to watch Spiderman Three since you have watched the first two. Always finish something you start, just like your mommy said. But if you’re not, then just stay at home and read my blog.


woof said...

hey, i had the exact deja vu on the Dumbledore quote... damn...

shannonteoh said...

no, you're wrong! wrong, wrong! it's more like my chemical romance.

i was disappointed too, esp with sam raimi. the direction seemed to go, ok first this happens, then that happens, and then another thing happens. like just scene after scene after scene.
nothing really had any cuasality. it wasnt a happens, causing b to happen... the movie seemed to have no rhyme or reason, or rather, damn bloody convenient nursery rhymes.

still, action was good, effects was good, as a summer blockbuster rather than a film, it's spot on.
but if they were going to do that, could they not waste venom? i mean, it's venom. giving it that treatment reminds me of the spawn movie.

one thing though that i feel makes it easy to pan the spiderman franchise, is that it's never tried to be 'edgy'. not the way that sin city does, perhaps.
this one is really comic-ish which leads us to pah pah away any sort of 'artier' merits of the film.
on the other hand, i've seen people praise the hulk to high heaven due to its cinematography or what not. but really, the hulk.. was... bad...

meow said...

Close. But Good Charlotte sweeps their hair to the right side, like Spidey did. I also highly suspect they used the same brand of eyeliner.
Several people were kind enough to point out that I forgot (intentionally) to compliment the CGI effects; I guess I was too caught up trying to spot if Mary Jane’s hair was still blowing the wrong way. Yes, the action sequences were good, but after awhile, I kinda got tired and unconvinced that Spidey was still talking after so many blows from Sandman.
As for Summer blockbuster (don’t expect Spiderman 3 to bust box office though), I rather watch Epic Movie. Now that’s seriously funny…